Bye Bye to the House Guests

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And now for my rant: I am completely fed up, this has been the longest weekend in history. TY invited an old friend and his third wife down to stay the weekend and then go on to Disney (this should have been a *sign* because who in their right mind would do that?). These people came with a rental car and a GPS, arrived at 11:30 PM and proceded to ask to watch some show on tv rather than interact with us. They plunked themselves down, never asked to see the house, the courtyard, the refrigerator- NO curiosity about the area or plans. TY and I finally went to bed.

Next morning TY wanted to take them out to breakfast to a great little cafe near here, right near the beach where we thought they might want to go for a drive, get out and walk over the dunes and sit to watch the water for a bit. Nope. Instead we heard complaints and discussion over the lox, then the bagels, then the coffee and the hash which apparently is always better back home. I began getting a bad taste in my mouth and it wasn't the smoked salmon.

They didn't want to walk onto the beach, so we suggested a ride along the shore to at least see it- their interest level was about what mine would be in an algebra class, they wanted to go back to our house to 'get ready'. Our plan was to ride down to the Morikami Museum in Delray to see the Japanese gardens, about an hour away. They packed for a trip to Ubekistan I think. Meanwhile the Morikami is a wonderful place and well worth a trip if you are ever in the south Florida area. There is a lake with paths winding around and all landscaped in various traditional Japanese methods, about a mile around but it seemed to fly because every scene was more spectacular then the next. And of course, it was another damn brilliant cool beautiful perfect day, but that's Florida for ya. Afterwards we stopped at the museum restaurant for (what else?) sushi and we had a Japanese waitress with attitude and a highly developed sense of humor. She seemed more like she should be in a NY diner and we were enjoying her personality as she sang and danced around the restaurant deck. The woman couldn't even speak English but was having fun and we got our order by pointing and gesturing at the menu, all laughing through the process- Well, the houseguests-from-hell (HGFH) didn't think she was 'acting Japanese enough'. So I made a remark about how they no longer have to bind their feet and that was sorta like flipping them the red cape. It progressed downward from there.

All of a sudden He became an OLD INVALID and we all had to mince and help him get back to the car. He recently had knee surgery but was sure able to do anything he wanted- the groaning and complaining only happened when he was being rushed or asked to do something out of his box. He showed me his handfull of pills he is so proud to take every morning- must have been 30 of 'em and he was very excited to tell me that 'this is only the morning pills'. We got home in a quiet car and they went to their bedroom and slept until 7, when they reappeared all ready for dinner. Which they complained about too.

Yesterday we decided to scrap any plans and maybe they would go off on their own for a bit, Wrong. We gave them ides, we gave them directions, we gave them hints, but they sat plopped on the couch WAITING for us to entertain them, she looked like Queen Elizabeth with her purse in her lap. I had put out breakfast stuff and took off on my daily walk with the Nazi Neighbor (and bless her heart for listening to me for 3 miles!) and when I got back they were sitting there ready to DO something. Finally they said that what they Really Really Wanted to do was GO TO THE MALL. TY hates malls, won't go, simply wont' do that. So he was trying to get them to go alone but they got whiney about getting lost (it's 2 turns from this house) and asked him to take them. So, against his will and mad as a wet hen, he piled them itno the convertible with the top down probably hoping they would blow away, and took them to the mall. Then he proceeded to not go in with them and instead sit in the car and smoke a cigar and wait. OK, OK, so that's a little passive aggressive, even he admits. Especially since the OI (Old Invalid) is a respitory therapist.

As far as I was concerned they weren't there nearly long enough but they got home and took up their positions on the couch again, then went in for their naps. TY left in a huff to go teach his yoga class (and had Serena Williams in it this time- another story) and I was left with them until we had to leave to meet up with TY at dinner. We went to Columbia Restaurant , a place that specializes in all sorts of South American and Spanish cuisine which the HGFH had told us they loved. Well apparently they didn't very much because again there was a complaint about every aspect of the evening, from the mojitos to the flan.

When we finally arrived home, TY and I went to bed and left them to their tv shows. They were to leave 'early' today, but at 11AM they were still packing and farting around in the closed door bedroom. I was about to offer to go 'warm up' the car for them. I could not wait for my peace and solitude to return. And so, I am making a list of Guest Rules to post on the back of the door.

1. Thou Shalt Not Sit around and Wait to be Entertained.

2. Thou Shalt Rent a Car of Your Own and Go Off in it on a Daily Basis at Host's Directives

3. Thou Shalt Not Ask for Special Foodstuffs without Advance Notice

4. Thou Shalt Not Complain About the Host's Driving Even if his Wife Does

5. Thou Shalt Pick Up a Dish Now and Then and Put it in the Sink

6. Thou Shalt Bring Along a Portable Form of Entertainment, like a Book or Knitting for down time

7. Thou Shalt Not Complain About the Host's Choice of Music, Wine, Salmon, or Dog

8. If Home Is Indeed Better than Here, When Are You Leaving?

9. Do Not Ask or Expect the Host to Be Tourguide, Driver, Cook, Entertainment Committee, and Housekeeper

10. Strip Your Own Bed